The Anarchy of Thought

Charity begins at home. Perhaps. But then so does the long revolution against the Establishment.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Perceptions of Otherness

About ten years ago, I was walking with a school-friend along a narrow lane in the city of my birth (a less circuitous way of putting this last phrase would simply be to say ‘my home-city’, but for the fact that the word ‘home’ has always had ominous connotations for me) when I blurted out, ‘This must be a Muslim area.’ To his question, ‘What makes you think so?’, I replied instantaneously, ‘I don’t think so, I feel so’. A few weeks later, I was on the North-East Express bound for Delhi when it got delayed for several hours at the rail-junction of Mugalsarai in the United Provinces (now, of course, called Uttar Pradesh; but I prefer the British term since it helps to further the illusion of unity). I was walking up and down the noisy platform for several hours when this brief conversation suddenly flashed across my mind, and I began to ponder over it. By the time the train moved into Delhi, I had begun to understand something of why I had felt that the locality had to be a ‘Muslim’ one. One of my mother’s closest friends was a Muslim lady who used to live in a highly congested part of the city criss-crossed with noisy long-winding alleys, and when I was in junior school, my mother often took me to her house which was itself rather dimly-lit (dimly-lit, that is, from the ‘normal’ perspective; given my ‘abnormalcy’, of course, I prefer to live in precisely such rooms). Unknown to myself, I had grown up with the perception that congested, shabby and dimly-lit areas are ‘Muslim’ ones, such that these socio-economic markers had become for me the identifying characteristics of a ‘Muslim’ zone. (This many years before I came across the word ‘ghetto’ or read about the Jewish ghettos in Europe.)

I was then in my second year of college at Delhi, and began, in an introspective turn, to turn my inner gaze onto whatever perceptions of otherness I might be harbouring within myself. I became acutely conscious of the various types of markers, socio-religious, socio-economic, and/or socio-cultural that are available as labels to ‘cut out’ the social world (what in technical terms is called the ‘social ontology’), or freeze its intractable messiness, into (ostensibly) neat (and usually binary) categories. To carry on with the ‘Muslim’ case, for example, during my time in the UK, quite often Muslim men passing me by on the street would greet me as ‘Brother!’, and this presumably because of my long beard. I would immediately return the greeting, though I would, at the same time, feel uneasy about the ‘reason’ why I had been marked out as ‘Muslim’. For these Muslim Brothers, keeping a long beard is apparently a distinctive (and supposedly decisive) mark of being a ‘Muslim’. (I suppose that my paternal grandmother, who is, for all practical purposes, an Islamophobe, would be horrified that her grandson has been perceived, and welcomed, as one of the Enemy.) Not only this, I always get into a spot of trouble at international airports : because of my ‘looks’ (an American friend at Cambridge once told me that I look somewhat like a starving Afghan refugee) and, in particular, my beard, I am subject to a special scrutiny, and on one occasion an intense interrogation was conducted at the Indira Gandhi International Airport in New Delhi regarding why I was ‘re-entering’ India. (The passport official on that occasion should thank her stars that I saved her, and her ‘superiors’, a lot of trouble by forcefully keeping to myself the barrage of ironical replies I could have thrown at her. I really wanted to ask her if she would have put this question to Indira Gandhi herself when she was returning from Somerville College, Oxford.)

There are, of course, various types of historical ‘reasons’ for this perception of Muslims as the ‘others’, and this is not quite the place to rehearse them. Suffice it to say that the notion of Muslims as the descendants of marauders and invaders has descended (no pun intended) so deep into, or, to invert the spatial metaphor, ascended so high in, some forms of the ‘Hindu psyche’ that even Hindus who do not even know precisely where the Turks, the Huns, the Scythians or the Mughals came from are unanimous in their perception of Muslims as cherishing, deep under their skins, barbaric, ravenous and rapacious intentions. (As for myself, I would rather regard my presently-living paternal grandmother as a far more hostile and belligerent being than a Muslim friend simply because the latter’s remote ancestor six centuries ago happened to wield a sword in his hands.) Then, of course, there is the stock socio-cultural marker of food : the Muslims are the paradigmatic beef-eaters. The first time that I realised that Hindus do not eat beef was, in fact, as late (or as early?) as my tenth class in school when one of my aunts (who, perplexingly enough, is otherwise, to all intents and purposes, on quite friendly terms with the Muslim lady I referred to above) asked me not to date, or, to put it in less Americanised and more orthodox ‘Indian’ vocabulary, not to marry, a Muslim girl. On asking her the ‘reason’ for this interdict (for at that time, all girls somehow looked the same to me, and I was intrigued by the implication that it was possible, according to my aunt at least, to identify some of them as ‘Muslim’), I was told that Muslims are the ones who eat beef. For some reason, this spurred me on to find out more about Islam, and I was amazed to discover that what from an internal (what social anthropologists call emic) perspective is almost inconsequential to the self-understanding of Muslims themselves (for I myself soon encountered some Muslim friends who found beef tasteless) had been highlighted, from the external Hindu (etic in social anthropological terms) one, as the identifying marker of a ‘Muslim’. I began to ask practically every Hindu I knew precisely who s/he thought a Muslim was, and my irritation began to mount when I began to receive ad nauseam the same reply in the manner of an old gramophone record that had got stuck on one groove : ‘a beef-eater’. As moronic, I began to think, as ‘defining’ a Hindu as ‘a cow-worshipper’ : I would put down myself as ‘Hindu’ on a census report (even though I would actually prefer the Government of India not to ‘report’ my existence at all), but I can state in unequivocal terms that I am no worshipper of cows; indeed, to put the point bluntly, I have believed for a long time now that cows are some of the most superfluous entities on this planet and that instead of starving themselves to death on the Indian roads, in their attempt perhaps to emulate a Hindu ascetic, they should rather fill the bellies of emaciated men and women starving in the slums and elsewhere.

Another indicator of perceptual difference among Indians seems to be that of ‘colour’ : while I take it that not many Indians, because of the centuries of colonial experience, will be frank enough to admit this, ‘colour’ does play a vital role in ordering, classifying and evaluating the objects that constitute their social ontology. One of my earliest memories is, in fact, one of my paternal aunts commenting to another one : ‘We went to see a girl for him [that is, a cousin]. She is very fair-skinned, unlike the other one who was dark.’ This, of course, is no isolated incident, as anyone who reads the Times Matrimonials will know : almost every girl in its columns is either ‘fair-skinned’ or has a ‘wheatish complexion’. (Though I wonder if, for the rice-belt of India at least, the last phrase should instead be ‘ricish complexion’. It was, in fact, in these matrimonials, which as I always say, should be renamed patrimonials, that I first encountered the word ‘complexion’. On asking a friend in my college what sort of a complexion she thought I had, I had to satisfy myself with the somewhat obscure reply : ‘I think you have many complexes, yes, but otherwise you are rather complexion-less.’ Perhaps I was not ‘mature’ enough to understand that remark.) Again, it is symptomatic that millions seem to buy a so-called beauty cream that sells itself as ‘Fair and Lovely’ : apparently, it is not possible for an Indian woman to be the latter without being the former. Now, the perceptions of white as related to purity, innocence and spotlessness, and of black as signifying impurity, maliciousness and offensiveness are, of course, rooted in the classical (post-Vedic) Sanskritic literature. Sattva, the guna representing the ‘saintly’ qualities is associated with the white colour, and tamas which stands for the ‘hellish’ attributes is connected with the black colour. One can go off into all sorts of tangents from here, but I shall indicate only one, without entering into an extensive discussion on the matter. The term varna has been hotly debated by various scholars, and, in particular, by Dalit writers who argue that it should be translated as ‘colour’ such that the classical Hindu varna-asrama system is to be regarded as a ‘racist’ one. (Hence the notorious ‘fair-skinned’ Aryan versus ‘dark-complexioned’ Dravidian debate.) Whether or not this claim is valid, it does at least underscore the prevalence of various typologies of colour-association in the mental architecture of classical, and arguably ‘modern’, Hindu thought. Here are two instances. Some months ago, when I was in the ‘city of my birth’, one of my uncles put this question to me : ‘Are the Negros thieves and scoundrels?’ It took me several moments to recover from this question. For one, it was, as it so happens, the first time that I had encountered the word ‘Negro’ outside a novel, a documentary or a movie. And, for another, I was struck to realise how the White perception of Blacks as inherently aggressive, mendacious and violent had been transferred, through the invisible links that facilitate such cultural transfers of social perceptions, to my uncle far away in a corner of India. Perhaps he was unaware that his perception of the ‘Negros’ as hostile beings was, in fact, a neat (neo-colonial) replication of the British perception (though one with several outstanding exceptions) of the ‘Indian natives’ as such. (I wonder sometimes how the Kenyans and the Nigerians who study in the University of Delhi and elsewhere in India are ‘received’ by their landlords and classmates. I will not be surprised if the latter fear that the Motherland is being polluted by the presence of these ‘Negros’.) Again, some weeks ago, a cousin of mine sent me a text message on my cell which was a ‘SMS joke’ beginning with the question : ‘What did God say when he [a pronoun that was sufficient in itself to raise my indignation] created the first Negro?’ Perhaps for my cousin, this was an ‘innocent’ joke, and I too swallowed my indignation and took it in that ‘spirit’. At the same time, however, this led to me reflect on how certain perceptions are, depending variously on your lived experiences, are no ‘laughing matter’.

It was no laughing matter, for example, for some of the ‘Russians’ (I am using the umbrella-term here for the sake of convenience) at Cambridge who had gone, out of curiosity, to a musical called ‘Stalin’ at the Cambridge Arts Theatre which was, in some ways at least, a rather hilarious enactment of some of Stalin’s foibles. For me, who have access to only second-hand reports from books and documentaries about the spectre and the terrors of Stalinism, the musical was in some ways an ‘innocent’ jibe at Stalin. (And indeed, I am not sure that I was able to grasp all the allusions that it threw at the audience.) For the ‘Russians’, on the other hand, the events parodied in it were too close to their memories, and hence too direct and too painful, and were perhaps reminiscent of atrocities committed on their own near ones in the not too recent past. In other words, though we all have certain perceptions of otherness --- for such is necessarily the case unless we believe in the lazy slogan, ‘We are all the same in absolutely every way’, a slogan which, at first sight, seems to be very ‘inclusive’ but can rapidly turn out to possess ‘totalitarian’ implications by seeking to flatten out all distinctiveness into one homogenous ‘lump’ --- the perceptions that are acceptable to us depend vitally on what I have referred to here as the content and the nature of our ‘lived experience.’

For instance, one my greatest passions is watching World War II movies and documentaries (especially ones relating to the so-called Jewish Question), and I have, over the last eight years, absorbed such a voluminous amount of material relating to the Holocaust that today whenever I see the Hindu Swastika in a home, a hotel sign-board, a text-book, a taxi, an auto, or a T-shirt, a shiver of horror runs through my spine even though I am aware of its distinctive significance within the highly specific context of the Hindu socio-religious order. I am even more horrified when I see, every now and then, a young college-boy or college-girl sporting, apparently in the attempt to be ‘cool’, a T-shirt with the slanted, that is, the one slanted slightly towards the right, (Nazi) Swastika. What is even more ironic is that some of these students are from the North-Eastern part of India, and are what in the mainstream sociological literature are referred to (rather glibly) as the ‘tribals’. (Which itself is another perception of difference, this one between the ‘mainstream’ and the ‘margins.’ For who has delineated these ‘margins’? And where precisely is this ‘mainstream’?) As the ‘marginalized’ peoples of India, for such is often their self-understanding, surely they should be the last ones to brandish a symbol that stood for the marginalization, to the point of annihilation, of almost a third of European Jewry.

That leads me on to register another signifier of otherness : the rather mysterious category of the ‘tribal’. I do not remember precisely when but at some ‘point in time’ I did become vaguely aware that almost all the maid-servants who were employed in the house (note again that I do not say ‘home’; English is such a beautiful language which it comes to these subtleties) were ‘tribals’. (Now, of course, it is a bit clearer to me today than it was earlier why this was so : to put it concisely, ‘tribal labour’ is cheaper and more readily available than ‘mainstream labour’.) They all had, in the truly immortal words of one of my paternal aunts, the ‘tribal cut’, which, when translated into anthropological jargon, would read as : ‘possessing Mongoloid or Tibeto-Burman features’. I was rather intrigued that in the social perception of those in the ‘mainstream’, the tribals were supposed to simultaneously harbour contradictory features : on the one hand, they were supposed to be docile, shy, coy, quiet, pliant and pliable, but, on the other, they were also feared as dark, sinister, irascible, petulant, and hostile beings. Thus, as for the maid-servants, they were, on the one hand, praised (and prized) as hard-working, dutiful, respectful and obedient, but were also, on the other, viewed rather suspiciously as irresponsible, unreliable, vicious and resentful. Much later I was to realise that there are significant parallels between the perceptions of the Whites concerning the Blacks, of the colonial masters regarding the natives, and of the ‘mainstream’ relating to the ‘tribals’ : in each of these cases, the former re-present the latter as possessing contradictory characteristics, such that the Whites, the colonialists and the ‘mainstream’ respectively believe the Blacks, the natives and the ‘tribals’ respectively to be simultaneously docile and timid, on the one hand, and hostile and aggressive, on the other. Not that, I guess, many in the ‘mainstream’, especially the ‘educated’ ones among them, would be willing to admit their perception of the ‘tribals’ as people with split identities. Nevertheless, this ‘tribalism’ continues to be one of the most significant signifiers of difference, as exemplified in the delightfully precise remark of one of these aunts as to why she did not like the girl that one of her relations was ‘dating’ : ‘Everything is OK with her. But, then, she has the tribal cut.’

Some months ago, I went to visit my mother’s Muslim friend. The old house was gone, and two floors had been raised over it. The dimly-lit room too had disappeared, and all the rooms were now bright, well-lit, and freshly painted. Her (only) daughter had married a Hindu in the meantime. Had that not, to put it mildly, raised some eyebrows? In return, I was offered a most intriguing story about her ‘roots’ : one of her ancestors had been a disciple of the Sufi saint Khwaja Moinuddin Chisti at Ajmere. ‘We believe’, she went on to say, ‘that all these categories that we apply pertain only to the flesh, to the masks we wear, to these fragile structures that we carry around ourselves. But deep down, we are all the same.’ I would not quite phrase the matter in these precise terms (for, as I have noted above, the argument that we are ‘all ultimately the same’ has been used to justify totalitarian regimes which have denied, and suppressed, alterity and heterogeneity); I would rather say that there are no inherent marks or attributes that allow us to evaluate human beings in terms of the categories of ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’. Nevertheless, after a long time in my life, I felt, even if for a short while, that I not just in a building with four walls (a ‘house’), but also breathing an atmosphere that was neither hostile to genuine difference nor inhospitable to the search for a common humanity (a ‘home’) even in the midst of our seemingly radical dissimilarities.

Then, of course, after dinner at her place, I walked out into the streets of the city of my birth : the city whose roads are apparently filled with Muslims, Muslim girls, Negros and people with the ‘tribal cut’.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


The Summer of '06


I got my first real six-string
Bought it at the five-and-dime
Played it till my fingers bled
It was the summer of 69
Me and some guys from school
Had a band and we tried real hard
Jimmy quit and Jody got married
I shoulda known wed never get far
Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya - Id always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life
Aint no use in complainin
When you got a job to do
Spent my evenins down at the drive-in
And thats when I met you
Standin on your mamas porch
You told me that youd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life
Back in the summer of 69
Man we were killin time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwindI guess
nothin can last forever - forever
And now the times are changin
Look at everything thats come and gone
Sometimes when I play that old six-string
I think about ya wonder what went wrong
Standin on your mamas porch
You told me it would last forever
Oh the way you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life
Back in the summer of 69

I still remember the first time I heard (bits of) this song : the evening of July 14, 1995. I was walking down one of the empty corridors of Mukherjee West in St Stephen’s, Delhi the night before the opening of college for the autumn semester, 1995, when some of these words came floating through a half-empty door. Suddenly, the music was turned off and instead a question was barked out to me from a distance : ‘Are you a fresher?’ The door was now flung wide open and I was asked to come in. A flurry of some introductory questions followed in quick succession with the music turned back on : When did I move in? What course would I pursue in college? Where did I complete my schooling?

The lights went out around this time, one of the many unpredictable power cuts that I would get used to during the next few years, and I was taken out on to the balcony facing the noisy basketball court.

‘Why did you choose to study physics?’
‘Well, it has something to do about power.’
‘What about power? What does that have to do with physics?’
‘You can want to have power either over other people or over yourself. Those who seek the former become engineers, architects, town planners, business executives, diplomats, psychiatrists, and I.A.S. officers. Those who want the latter could try studying physics.’
‘And what makes you think that studying physics will give you power over yourself?’
‘If you want to study physics, it could be because you have a certain faith in reality. A faith that lying under the apparent chaos, indeterminacies, puzzles and disorders which strike your eyes, there is a deep, cosmic order that you have to find out through the formal beauty of mathematical equations. A faith that ultimately, at some level or the other, everything is interconnected, symmetrical and harmonious, and that consequently there is no genuine randomness or discord in the world. Everything absolutely follows some pattern, even if that elusive pattern cannot be discerned by the physical eye. Once you have this faith, and nurture it everyday, and let it grow in strength, you begin to gain power over yourself.’

Even today I often find myself returning to this somewhat surreal conversation. Those were the days when I was in love in numbers, especially with the abstract symmetry of mathematics which I believed (and, in fact, still believe) to be truly timeless, far removed from the messiness and the muddledness of the world around me. Today it is instead words, their delightful playfulnesses, their passionate absences, their hidden presences, their silent yearnings, and their intractable obscurities, that I am in love with, and yet I still remember the exhilaration I would feel on solving a partial differential equation and knowing why the so-called natural world ‘behaves’ (and, more strongly, has to ‘behave’) the way that it does. The conviction, that there is a deep mysterious order underlying the universe, an order that human beings did not simply ‘invent’ but which pre-exists them, is, in fact, one that has never left me. And yet, there is much in what I believed at that time which makes me queasy in my reflective moments.. I would today not make the sharp dichotomy that I proposed to that senior in the summer of 1995 about seeking power over others versus seeking power over oneself. To begin with, the word ‘power’ and its cognates have become deeply distasteful to me for I now view power and domination as co-terminous; and, for a second, I realised somewhere along the line that seeking power over oneself can often, and does, become a subtly disguised way of seeking power over others. The ponderous dilemma, then, is how to attain the former, in however fragmentary and incomplete a manner, in such a way that it does not lead to the latter. And, third, I believe today that the very attempt to search for a complete explanation for anything, perhaps in the form of a grand theory of everything, will, sooner or later, inevitably lead to (implicit or explicit) forms of violence.

Nevertheless, as I moved through my years at St Stephen’s, I met an increasing number of people who seemed to be devoted, almost fanatically, to this song, until in my third year I finally began to live in a ‘shady’ corridor in Mukherjee West with four other Stephanians who played it at full volume every now and then, and especially in the hour before dinner when three hundred ravenous wolves readied themselves for the descent on the mess chicken. One of them was Vineet who listened to it religiously (almost) every midnight. I always told him that the song was ‘bad poetry with good noise, or perhaps the other way round’, but, perhaps unknown to me, it began to grow upon me, and I would often catch myself humming the tune. On the night after the last exam in third year, Vineet took me on his bike to the restaurant Karim’s, nestled in one of the narrow lanes near the Jama Masjid bustling with countless traders, passers-by, veiled women and shop-keepers living inside the rather ominously-termed ‘walled city’. After dinner, we went for a long ride along the Yamuna, and sometime around midnight sat down under a massive oak tree near the quiet river. The silence, however, was soon shattered by a silver-painted Maruti Suzuki that whizzed past on the empty road above us, its car-radio screaming out the ‘Summer of ‘69’.That was, in fact, the last time that I listened to that song alongside Vineet. He died in a motor-bike accident three weeks later on the road to Jaipur. Apparently, he had been listening to Bryan Adams at full volume on his ear-phones and had failed to hear the loud honking of a truck trying to overtake him.

After some months, in the autumn of 1998, I found myself on a plane bound for Trinity College, Cambridge. I had just moved into my small room in Angel Court when someone with a shock of green hair knocked on my door.
‘Did you arrive today? I am Mark Ingram. Care for some coffee?’
Mark had moved in a few days earlier and his room was dotted with odds and ends, including a gigantic poster of Simone de Beauvoir. At that time, I had only the vaguest of notions who she was (indeed, I was under the somewhat mistaken impression that a ‘feminist’ was a woman who was trying her best to be ‘feminine’), and seeing me staring at her, Mark immediately proceeded to put in a disclaimer. (I soon realised that he apparently found it impossible to say anything at all without loading his remarks with a series of disclaimers.)
‘Oh, don’t get me wrong now. I don’t like her at all.’
‘Why have you put up her poster in that case?’
‘Precisely because I don’t like her at all. You see, imitation is the best form of dislike. Hold on, let me put on some music as the water boils.’
It was the ‘Summer of ‘69’ all over again.
‘Do you like this song? Bryan Adams at his best, eh?’
‘Well, I have been made to like it.’
‘Have you ever thought about the number ‘69?’
‘What about it?’
‘Well, why is this guy singing about 1969? Why not 1847, 1914, 1949, 1959 or 1984? What is so special about the summer of 1969 that he needs to go on shouting at the top of his voice about it?’

It would take me another two or three years before something of the range of significances of the year 1969 would begin to dawn upon me : Vietnam and the cloud of anti-war protests, Bob Dylan and Joan Baez, the counter-culture movements, the ‘sense of an ending’, Jimmy Hendrix, transcendental meditation and the Beatles, free love, gurus, psychedelic experience and so on and on. However, as I look back on those years, I now realise that that question put to me by Mark Ingram on my very first day in Cambridge taught me an enduring lesson. I clearly remember feeling extremely stupid on reflecting that I had been listening to the song for three years or so without ever enquiring into why Bryan Adams was singing about 1969 and not just any other ‘damn year’. In his own way, and perhaps even unknown to himself, Mark taught me to question precisely that which I had ‘taken for granted’. As the years passed on, and I was meticulously groomed by some of Cambridge’s finest dons into the subtle art of writing essays for the somewhat daunting tutorials, I constantly kept in mind the question, ‘Why 1969?’ every time I would begin to write an essay, in order to remind myself that I must question precisely that which I thought was obvious to me. It might sound somewhat bizarre to put the matter in this way, but it was a ‘pop’ song that made me start ‘thinking’ in a manner that I had never done before, by diligently and unswervingly pushing a single line of enquiry until the very ‘limits of thought’ (though whether such limits exist at all is another, very interesting, question).

Except on another occasion, I never heard this song during my days in Cambridge. This was during the Christmas vacations in the winter of 2000 when Cambridge was clothed with a fine layer of the whitest snow. Walking through Neville’s Court towards the Backs on the night of Christmas Eve in near-freezing conditions, I stood for a while in the darkness on the stone bridge over the Cam. At that moment, the words of the ‘Summer of ’69’ came floating to my ears through an open window on the second floor facing the river. It was only then that I became vaguely aware of someone standing behind me. I turned around and saw a middle-aged woman, dressed in heavy woollens, staring at me.

‘Yes, those were my best days too. I was nineteen in the summer of 1969, you know? Oh, those mad days! That was the year that I met Tim. We were protesting against the Americans in Vietnam in front of the American Embassy in London. It looks so far away today, and yet lives on in me every day of my life.’
‘Well, I have learnt a lot too from this song. Friends I have lost, and new ones I have met, all lie hidden somewhere along its lines.’
‘Do you study here in Trinity? You did not go home for Christmas?’
‘You think I need a home?’
‘Oh, come on now, I did not say that! But did your mother not ask you to come home?’
‘Well, she died some years ago.’

There was a long silence between us, one that cut through the cold wintry air.

‘Will you walk down the Avenue with me?’

We walked along the bare winter-struck leafless trees in silence. All around us was the beautiful bleakness of the harsh English winter. When we reached Queen’s Road, she paused, turned towards me and looked into my eyes.

‘In the winter of 1975, I lost my baby boy. He died of meningitis, barely three months old. If he were alive today, I guess he would have been of your age. Since then, I have lived largely on the kindness of strangers. Thank you.’

She turned around, and slowly began to walk away towards Grange Road. Her feet left silent prints in the fresh snow.

As I moved through my Ph.D. years, I almost forgot this song, though some of its words would keep on coming back to me once in a while. The only other time I heard it during my time in England was, in fact, on December 30, 2005 when I was travelling to Heathrow in a Stagecoach bus. I could not help reflecting then on how it had, in a sense, welcomed me to Cambridge in 1998 and was, in a manner of speaking, bidding me goodbye in 2005.

Since then the song has never quite left me. On February 10 this year, one day before my birthday, four of my ‘Summer of ’69’ friends who had lived in 1998 on the same corridor in Mukherjee West, St Stephen’s happened, by a series of most extraordinary coincidences, to be in Delhi on the same night, and we all ‘met up’ in a restaurant in South Delhi. It so turned out that all four of them had got married in the intervening period, and I was rather taciturn for a while, not wishing to bring up anything that would, without my realising it, be viewed as ‘politically incorrect’ in such an august company of four women.

Thankfully, one of them broke the ice : ‘I have a heard a lot about you from Vishal. You love to ask a lot of questions, don’t you?’
‘Do I?’
‘So you do! And why is that?’
‘It has something to do with Bryan Adams.’
‘Bryan Adams? Who is he?’

Vishal now turned towards me from across the table, his mouth half-filled with a chicken burger, and growled at me : ‘Man, you still listen to that song? What was it called?’
‘The summer of ‘69?’
‘Yes, yes. It’s been ages since I heard it.’
‘Well, in a way that’s just right. Your summer days are over now.’
‘You mean I have reached my autumn?’
‘Perhaps. But then this is not quite the right company to admit it, right?’

And then the main course arrived, and Bryan Adams was buried under the weight of the chicken and the mutton kebabs.

Some days ago, I went back to Mukherjee West on the final day of submission of forms for admission to St Stephen’s, 2006 - 2007. The corridors were deserted once again, as they had been on that day ten years ago in the summer of 1995. I waited for a while in front of the brown door of my old room, vaguely remembering the indistinct echoes of the ‘Summer of ‘69’ floating down the brightly-lit corridor as hungry hordes had once rushed down the stairs for their dinner.

I walked through the college towards Andrew’s Gate, past the cricket field where a pack of dogs were having a ‘field-day’ and finally onto the main road. A silver-painted Maruti Suzuki glided by, loudly honking at the rickshaw pullers, stopped beside the bus stand, and a young girl with delicately cropped hair and a pair of black goggles stepped out from it. Her garish red T-shirt sported an image of Che Guevara which screamed out : ‘The revolution is in you!’ She walked back towards the car and snarled at the boy sitting at the wheel : ‘For heaven’s sake, Vineet, don’t put on that horrible ‘Summer of ‘69’ again. You are going to go deaf with that noise in your ears. And make me deaf as well.’ I was desperately hoping to hear the retort, ‘What makes you think that you are not already deaf?’, but the poor boy was perhaps too peeved for that. As they say, no man is a hero to his valet, especially when the valet happens to be a ‘liberated woman’.

In any case, I slowly walked past the car, a gentle sadness sinking to my bones. I had lost one Vineet to the ‘Summer of ’69’ many years ago. But the song was living on in and through another Vineet.

 
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