URGENT warning (Please note this SOS, and pass it on!)

The United Nations Committee for Endangered Species (UNCES), the European Commission for Displaced Communities (ECDC), and the North Atlantic Society for Threatened Groups (NASTG) has today produced a joint statement at 10:30 EST, the morning edition of The Transparent Ironist reports. In a white-paper released to a press conference at Washington, the heads of these three organisations issued a grave warning that the species called the White Male is in serious threat of extinction. The last historical period when this species flourished was the late 19th century when a considerable number of White Males could still be found in the prairies of Europe, and also in some hinterlands of Australasia, North America, and Latin America. Since then, its numbers have drastically dwindled, and this dwindling is accelarated by the curious phenomenon that members who visibly belong to this species of the White Male now wish to disassociate themselves from it. Men with white skin are often gravely offended if they are told that they belong to this species, and they reply : 'My skin may be white, but I am definitely not a White Male! Why are you so obsessed with my skin colour? Didn't I hear you accuse me of racism just a few years ago? Have you now become a racist yourself?'

Some of them have even started migrating to parts of the Mediterranean belt to develop a tanned, bronze, aquamarine, or copper skin in order to hide their previous affiliations with this much-maligned endangered species. In the Academy, in particular, if current trends are anything to go by, there will be no White Male left in another five years : everyone there would soon be a Black American, a Black Indian, a Black Italian, a Black Australian, or a Black Russian. The three heads commented that this was an extremely sorry state of affairs since very soon everyone in the world would become tarred with a black brush (no pun pretended).

This warning comes at a very critical juncture for Feminists who earn their monthly salaries by writing volume after volume, using extremely arcane vocabulary, against the species of the White Male : with the extinction of the White Male, it would seem that Feminists themselves would lose their jobs. It is no wonder, then, that immediately after the announcement from Washington, Ms Fiona McCarthy of Feminists Inc. declared that this was yet another male conspiracy to push Feminists out of the Academy. Though one might wonder : now that the White Male is dying, will it be the turn of the White Female next?

The three heads suggested that white school-children should be taught to celebrate their whiteness by wearing T-shirts with the label 'Proud to be White', and reminded that although they are not as politically correct as their black neighbours, they still have the same red blood under their white skins. In this manner, they hope that we shall be able to stem the tide and raise a new generation of the White Males who, with a little meddling with their genes, will be 'determined' to search for successful mates from among the White Females only. Ms Mccarthy was, however, not available (and perhaps fortunately so) for comment on this last bit about genetic engineering. Though we might hope that this unprecedented calamity will finally lead the White Male and the White Female to bury the hatchet and start smoking the peace-pipe in the face of this impending catastrophe against White-ness.